This morning's rosary ended with a beautiful response from the Blessed Mother, ”Joseph and I search frantically for you; what a relief when we find you in the temple.” While the words were not spoken, the understanding I received was that I am found only after validly taking the Eucharist. The ”validly” part is without mortal sin on my soul. I got very excited thinking about going to mass tonight and being found. I will be going to confession before taking the Eucharist.
This journey has focused on the Eucharist. I did not intend for this, however, it has become apparent that this is the fruit our Lord wishes me to receive.
In Fatima, I felt a calling to listen. In Garabandal, the inner voice was unequivocal and very loud, respect the Eucharist. I felt a profound and crushing remorse at my insolence.
The impact led me to text my confessor the following (edited to take out names):
Father, the Lord has been placing on my heart the disrespect that I give the Eucharist by not fully embracing what I am receiving. I am endeavoring to change that. I go to daily mass at (x parish), and I know that they will not give it to me on the tongue. The Lord showed me how disrespectful placing it in my hand and handling it like a snack is to Him. What came to my mind after that was to not receive from the ministers but bring a Pix and then go into the church in front of the tabernacle and turn the Pix over and place it on my tongue without touching it. Do you think this will be appropriate?
I think the Lord understands that these are extraordinary times, and if the priest insists on giving you in the hand, I will suggest you take it respectfully and place it on your tongue. If you want to be in communion with the Church during the Eucharistic celebration, it would be appropriate to take Communion within the celebration......
Ok, I will do as you recommend. Thank you, Father.
I felt an enormous wave of sadness and joy commingled in his answer. The sadness was that I would not take the Eucharist as I felt I was supposed to and joy because I know our Lord is happy that I am asking his Persona Christi for advice before making a decision and following it without proper formation.
Fast forward to confession, what a joy. I was able to do it in French, and I was so pleased that God had me learn this language to use it today. I always get an after confession high. I walk out wholly absolved of my sins and see how long I can go without offending our Lord. My record is 5 minutes ;)
Mass was lovely, and I was able to share it with my friends and parents. It was broadcast on EWTN, and I wonder how many people thought, ”who is that crazy girl waving at us?”
After mass, I walked the way of the cross. The ”Jesus is Condemned” statuary is humbling. You must go up the stairs on your knees. It hurts, and it is steep. I never understood people who got on their knees at shrines. That changed today. Crawling up to Jesus was humbling. I had just received Him, and I could feel Him burning in my heart. I sat at his feet for some time, talking to Him like he was my friend. I believe I will make it a practice to come to Him in the most humble ways; it reminds me of whom I am speaking to.
More than any other, I am bound to cling to Jesus alone to ask him for his light, his strength, his supernatural life... Bernadette Soubirous