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The Questions We Ask Ourselves


My favorite parish in Madrid is the Basilica de Jesus de Medinaceli. The Jesus statue is incredibly lifelike and very moving. Not to mention the Madonna, she is powerfully beautiful.

This first photo was pulled from the internet from the feast of Jesus de Medinaceli. I spent a considerable amount of time before mass contemplating and praying before Him.

His history begins in the 1300s and includes being captured, dragged through the streets, ransomed, begged for, hidden and found, finally to find a home in Madrid.

I asked him, “Why do I believe in you?” My interior self went silent for some time. I began to remember the times in my life when I did not respect him when my choices were not Christ-focused, and one might say very secular. He has been showing me my sins a lot lately. It is my fault; I asked Jesus to clean out my soul to serve him better, and he has answered my request. It is unpleasant, to put it mildly, to face myself and acknowledge that I selfishly served my desires and believed that what I was doing was correct. It is also unnerving to recognize that the world is OK with some of those choices; they might even be celebrated. I know with an inner knowing that even writing this will cause some issues with the reader, and I will be judged harshly.

Have confidence in the Lord with all your heart, and do not depend upon your own prudence. In all your ways, consider him, and he himself will direct your steps. Proverbs 3:5-6

I woke up today with the question of “Why do I believe in you?” weighing on my heart and looking for an answer. This question is not new to me, and I have come up with reasons already, so why do I question myself again?

My response to myself is because I got to know him through prayer and scripture. I have spent time with him and have made efforts for him. I have attempted to put Him first in my life, and each time I do this, he lets me know he is there. I was able to ignore Him, choose what I wanted to follow and pretend that some things didn’t matter when he was a stranger to me. However, now, I am ashamed of my disrespect and so very grateful for His mercy.

The true knowledge and relationship with him came through my devotion to the rosary. I have experienced him in the richest ways while praying the mysteries of the rosary. My habit is to pray it while I walk the canyons of Balboa Park. Being in nature and pushing myself up hills and across the landscape encourages me to contemplate the mysteries and talk to him about my thoughts.

Whatever scripture I have read or book I am engaged in comes to life, and I receive wisdom while reciting this prayer. To me it is essential, as we have been told many, many times by the Blessed Virgin herself how important it is for our own and the worlds salvation to pray this prayer daily.

Pray the rosary every day in honor of Our Lady of the Rosary to obtain peace in the world..... Blessed Virgin at Fatima May 13, 1917

Why do I believe? Today I believe because He is alive within me, tomorrow He will give me another reason to believe.

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